Just yesterday, I was pondering what I should blog about since I have still been too lazy to upload state fair pictures onto my computer. After awhile, I decided I should write about how just desperate I have been for the Lord lately. I mean, everything goes through seasons, and I have just been in a season of constant longing for God to be present in my life. And it has been really cool. Truly – just yesterday, I was pondering how great it feels to be close to the Lord.
And then another storm hit. Somehow I managed to make one of my friends mad at me… just by being myself, really. I didn’t do anything – especially intentionally – to make this person get upset… but it happened. Again. Like it always seems to. I was really upset when I first found out. There were tears… and I only ate about 5 bites of supper before I just had to put it away because I wasn’t hungry anymore. I had my iPod playing my Christian music mix, and somehow it just played all my favorites – If You Want Me To (Ginny Owens), Shaking Like a Leaf (Rich Mullins), This World Has Nothing for Me (Caedmon’s), Let It Go (Superchick – random, I know), Underdog (Audio Adrenaline), Man of No Reputation… I mean, just great song after great song. It just encouraged me and reminded me that this life is so transient – and I have an infinitely wonderful Father who loves me like crazy… and a Savior who endured lots of pain and feels my hurt.
As I was getting ready for bed, I was thanking God for drawing me so near to Him right before this happened. I was still blue, though. I mean, it’s hard to realize (yet again) that your personality tends to tick people off or push people away. I’ve wrestled with that enough in my lifetime; I would prefer not to cry those same tears again. It didn’t rock me to my core this time like it has in the past… and I knew that was because of the closeness I have felt with the Lord lately.
Lance and I got in bed and were just kind of talking. We started talking about how the Lord answers me with very specific signs when I ask for them (I will definitely have to do a blog post on that in the future…) and what a blessing that is to hear a word from the Lord like that. Then we kind of got quiet… just lying there in the dark. I’ll be honest – my heart was aching. Not breaking, but definitely aching.
In the silence, I asked God for Lance to tell me just that he liked me… and I would take that as my word from Him that He created me and loves me. Then I kind of backpedaled out of that and said, “No, Lord, I know that you made me… I’m just struggling and need some encouragement. But I know you made me and love me.”
After several minutes of silence, Lance just goes, “I think you’re special.”
And I burst into tears. Of course, then I am trying desperately to explain through my sobs and sniffles that he just blessed me beyond what he knew. And I felt so comforted. I slept in great peace… because I am absolutely adored by my King… and He went out of His way to tell me that.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! – 1 John 3:1
5 days ago